Mum vs Baby

Gateway To Insanity Roll up, roll up. Come and witness the show of all time. Running around to the 'Benny Hill' tune is me, once again chasing after everyone and everything. I really sometimes feel as though I have triplets, the only thing is two of them have four legs and are very hairy! The other one is Jamie. My actual child doesn't count just yet as she is still very much static.  My life, as you may have read so far, is in fact full of looking after, chasing after and picking up after 4 creatures. Creature number one - farts a lot, wiggles a lot and poops a lot. Creature number two - pees everywhere, loses my mugs and smells funny. Creature number three - very hairy, chases females and gets in my way. Creature number four - pinches my food, sits in my seat and licks his bits. Now looking back at the description of those four I will let you figure out who is who. (The scary thing is Jamie could actually be any of them)! Yes, I'm a bad ...

Dear Netflix Dear Netflix, You have to understand my disappointment, I am currently on maternity leave, my baby is sleeping, this is not why I am disappointed. I couldn't be happier after a long couple of upset days to have a bit of time to myself to kick back, eat my pot noodle and listen to the rain splash away on the outside world.  My disappointment has stemmed from you not working when I get chance to actually hear what I am trying to watch!  I don't ask for much do I?  I mean, you tease me with starting my program and then BAM! an error code pops up in place of it. WHY do you want to punish me! What did I do wrong to deserve this - I have T-minus 20 - 60 minutes of peace to catch up on some season viewing before my lovely but noisy daughter awakens from her very peaceful sleep!  My pot noodle has been consumed, a quick solution to be able to maximise my Netflix viewing time, being a mum everything becomes timed and time is very precious. It ...

Spawn of Satan 2:30am wake. The crying began, this was normal so far. I changed her, made up a bottle and knew I'd soon be back in bed sleeping until the next feed. WRONG! She stayed awake, crying, crying, screaming, crying, dozing, waking, crying. Dear god it was hell. This was the first time of, hopefully, NOT many! My eyes were so heavy, I scoured Ebay looking for those magic matchsticks that other Mum's surely use to stay awake! No luck, they must be sold out! What was wrong? I tried winding her, it's like a game of Where's Wally but instead Where's Windy! There must be some in there somewhere, I pat her back, rub her back up and down, clockwise, anti-clockwise. There was no ease for her. I felt bad, I am Mummy, I should know what is wrong and be able to help her be happy, content and relaxed, my poor baby. Hours ticked by to no avail! Maybe she is a Devil Baby!!! Her horns are sprouting, her fangs will be coming through and her tail growing, t...