Gateway To Insanity

Gateway To Insanity

Roll up, roll up. Come and witness the show of all time.

Running around to the 'Benny Hill' tune is me, once again chasing after everyone and everything. I really sometimes feel as though I have triplets, the only thing is two of them have four legs and are very hairy! The other one is Jamie. My actual child doesn't count just yet as she is still very much static. 

My life, as you may have read so far, is in fact full of looking after, chasing after and picking up after 4 creatures.

Creature number one - farts a lot, wiggles a lot and poops a lot.

Creature number two - pees everywhere, loses my mugs and smells funny.

Creature number three - very hairy, chases females and gets in my way.

Creature number four - pinches my food, sits in my seat and licks his bits.

Now looking back at the description of those four I will let you figure out who is who. (The scary thing is Jamie could actually be any of them)!

Yes, I'm a bad mum for referring to my child as a creature, but I'm pretty sure she is, considering she is half Jamie and half me. 

Regardless of that, today she has been a little angel, she seems to have come on so far in the last few days, giggling more, smiling more and interacting more with her surroundings. What a good little creature she is! 

One of the other creatures was very naughty today though. I thought I'd been given a day off, a day where all my creatures behave themselves. More fool me!

There I am feeding the baby creature and I hear someone open my gate, I figured it was someone coming to visit or a leaflet person. I waited and listened and heard no barks or voices. So, up I get to quickly run to the door to see who it is.
No one.... the gates shut. I am sure I heard it! Back in I go being followed by Marley, to then realise I don't have two shadows following me. I search around the house calling for Dexter and hear no galloping from upstairs, I check up stairs and he has pulled my duvet off the bed, but is not occupy the space he had created. I run downstairs, baby starts crying for me to let her finish her bottle. Ah why does everything happen at the wrong times! Why is my dog not anywhere to be seen, WHY!!!! 

Then I panic, maybe someone kidnapped him (irrational, I know)! I imagine some bloke in a balaclava opening my gate, luring my dog out with a tennis ball dangling on string in front of him, hypnotising him into leaving!

I frantically run down my steps outside my house shouting his name, hoping he wasn't kidnapped by the tennis ball wielding thief I had concocted up in my head.

Panic instantly turns to anger when I see him strolling down the neighbours steps towards me, wagging his tail like he has just had the best time of his life. It's like Shawshank Redemption with this dog, plotting his next escape to great detail. For all I know he has dug a secret tunnel to the park so he can run with freedom and no one saw it coming! The only difference is he wants to return when he has had enough. 

Not only does he open and close my front door but now my gate. The frustrating thing is, I can't even open my gate! 

He is a very strange dog, but very smart, always one step ahead of me! 

I block him upstairs with a stair gate which Jamie swung on to be sure it was secure - we come home and he has pulled it down and is at the front door looking a lot more pleased about it than we were.

We block the glass door so he can't see out of it and bark at dogs - I turn around and he is magically on top of my dining room table. 

My sanity is at risk, I am being out fooled by a dog on a daily basis!

God help me when my baby starts to be more active!