Mum vs Baby

If Carlsberg Made....... Why oh why do men think us mums know the answers to everything when it comes to our babies? I mean, I know I stay at home with her all the time while I am on maternity leave, but it doesn't mean I'm a baby psychic! No, I know it isn't all men, some of you are super lucky to have a man who dives into those dirty nappies, insists he runs you a bath with candle light while he takes care of the baby for an hour and puts his own laundry in the wash. Lucky you!   But reality for me isn't the same, as you may have read throughout my blog. I love my partner a huge amount but boy is he a challenge.  'If Carlsberg Made Men, they were probably too drunk by the time they got to mine....' So that wonderful question he has asked me more times than I can count. "Why won't the baby stop crying?" I have had many different responses, here are 3 of my favourite, 1. If I...

A Musical To A Disaster Time wasters - complete and utter time wasters. That's how many people explain babies when they stand gazing at mine. They are so right, there she is, our own creation, a new human being to add to the millions of others living in the world.  So peaceful, so quiet, so cute! It's such an amazing feeling becoming a mum, you never know the true love you feel until you have a child to love, care for and cherish. Whether you give birth naturally, via c-section or adopt, they are your precious bundle of cuteness. Yours to show off to the world.  I look back at the first moments of her life and see just how tiny she really was! How so much awaited from that point on and so much still does. People often express their disbelief at how fast the time really does pass so incredibly quickly.  "You'll blink and it's gone" "Cherish every moment, they grow up so fast" 10 weeks down the line and it feels like it's...

On Your Marks... Get set...... GO! You have 12 minutes and 39 seconds to complete one lap of the house with a hoover, wash 3 plates, 4 forks and 7 teaspoons! Find 5 mugs dotted around the house in secret locations by Jamie. Sterilise 3 baby bottles and 14 dummies (after finding the dummies). Pick up 5 dog poo's (apparently I feed them too much - how can they do this many in 2 hours?!) and hang out the washing! I start with the hoover, this brings with it a time wasting mission, rounding my two dogs up so they don't keep biting it. This would be easier if one of my dogs couldn't open every dam door in the house.  Dogs rounded up and hoovering continues, only to then suck up one of Jamie's many socks which he insists on dotting around the house and then denies doing so.  Sock removed and I once again continue, dog opens the door and bites my hoover...  Hoovering finally completed, one down, five to go.  After washing the dishes I go on the hu...

Jab Day The day all mum's dread - jab day! The thought of our tiny person being jabbed and hurt is not something we want our precious bundle of joy to go through, but is necessary to keep them well and healthy.  One day she will understand - actually, no she won't because thankfully she won't remember these first few doses of pain.  I wasn't too worried about taking her for them, me and needles don't mind each other and I feel if I keep the same attitude around her when she receives them then hopefully she will grow up with the same view. First appointment of the day is our six week check up, which is actually at eight weeks (?) and I lug her up the stairs in her car seat to the doctors room. The rate she is growing I won't be able to lift her in it soon!!! I need to start doing some bicep curls (with a glass of wine of course).  The doctor was certainly a character and liked to get to point. Dr - "Does she eat, sleep, see and hear?...

Spawn of Satan 2:30am wake. The crying began, this was normal so far. I changed her, made up a bottle and knew I'd soon be back in bed sleeping until the next feed. WRONG! She stayed awake, crying, crying, screaming, crying, dozing, waking, crying. Dear god it was hell. This was the first time of, hopefully, NOT many! My eyes were so heavy, I scoured Ebay looking for those magic matchsticks that other Mum's surely use to stay awake! No luck, they must be sold out! What was wrong? I tried winding her, it's like a game of Where's Wally but instead Where's Windy! There must be some in there somewhere, I pat her back, rub her back up and down, clockwise, anti-clockwise. There was no ease for her. I felt bad, I am Mummy, I should know what is wrong and be able to help her be happy, content and relaxed, my poor baby. Hours ticked by to no avail! Maybe she is a Devil Baby!!! Her horns are sprouting, her fangs will be coming through and her tail growing, t...

Tiny Person Spending time with my baby is a precious moment. Her tiny fingers and toes, her skinny little body and face. Her birth weight was half an ounce over five pounds, so she really was tiny. I had packed everything right for her arrival, sleep suits, vests, hats, nappies and none of them fit! Typical, I spent ages choosing what to pack and it was all huge on her tiny little frame.  The blanket dwarfed her, but the sleep suit dwarfed her even more so. She lived inside the body of it and the arms and legs were unused as she just fell out of them.  I missed her first poop, known as Meconium. While I was in surgery Jamie was giving her the first bottle, he then apparently asked my Mum why he had black gunk all down his arm. You guessed it, our darling child was already doing me proud! She had pooped on her Daddy, I'm just very disappointed that I had not witnessed his expression once he realised.  It was strange not being able to get up when she stirre...