Goodbye Dignity

Goodbye Dignity

Dignity - oh how I miss you!

Midwives clear the room up after I destroyed it in my animal like transformation that labor caused! Wow I did not expect to be that bad! The screaming.... oh the screaming! Although through the whole labor I did not swear at all. I did how ever scream, shout, beg and possibly even growl!

After my first cuddles with my new, very tiny baby more fun came. 

Delivering the placenta. What? It doesn't come out with the baby? I've got to push again, which I'm sure wasn't part of the deal! Luckily it was easy and painless.

"Would you like to see what your baby lived in?"

Sure! I imagine a nice little bubble that gave peace and comfort to my then unborn baby, but no it was disgusting, something you imagine an alien crawling out of! 

"Oh..... lovely..."

Now comes the checking my bits and bobs, which turn out to need stitches. Legs up in the stirrups, after that birth I was no longer embarrassed. I mean, the midwife has just seen me in my most vulnerable state, this bit is time for me to sit back, legs in the air, bobs on show and gas and air in my gob! 

"Okay, I don't think I will be able to do this, you may need surgery, I will go and get a doctor for a second opinion."

Great!!! Another person gets to look at my bobs! 

"Yes you will need surgery, I'll go and get the surgeon to come and have a look."

Oh for god sake... if I wasn't sucking away on the gas and air my embarrassment would be through the roof right now!

So there I am legs still in the air, bobs still facing the door, yes! the door! 

In comes the midwife, the doctor and not one but two surgeons. I am now high as a kite on gas and air and instead of holding onto the one percent of dignity I have left I decide to greet them!

"Hello, sorry about this" pointing at my bobs "not the best view aye!" 

And there it went, I waved goodbye to my remaining dignity. 

Luckily they did not wheel me to surgery with my legs still in the air, BONUS!

We arrive in surgery, I finally get what I begged for - pain relief - bit late now! One epidural and tablets stuffed up my butt! 

Room full of about 8 different medical staff members, me for the first time in 9 months without my baby and I'm about to get a designer vagina! 

Over an hour later me and my bobs are off to see my new born baby!!!